How to Save a Life
by Arquellania
Summary: One night changed everything. Nothing would ever be the same again. AU twoshot. Blair/Chuck
1. I Lost You

**How to Save a Life**

**Part 1 – I Lost You**

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**Summary:** Goodbyes are something that can never be taken back. But what if you never expected to say goodbye?

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gossip Girl or this amazing couple.

**Dedicated to:** All my good friends at FF and my amazing reviewers! Especially **Court**, **Cher**,** Mel**, and** suspensegirl**! Thanks for having faith in me.

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That one night that changed everything was one that could not be explained. The thoughts, feelings, mindsets, they were all unexplainable, indescribable.

How one friendship, and subsequently, two others, spun out of control, out of orbit, it was unbelievable.

One night changed everything for better and for worse.

--

One last scream reverberated off the walls, part of some argument that had been initiated with stupidity. It was just yelling now; neither of them remembered what everything was about.

"I can't believe you, Serena!" Blair shrieked, her eyes bulging. "We're supposed to be best friends, and then you do this!"

"We _are_ best friends." Serena challenged. "I just need to do something on my own right now."

"Fine." Blair narrowed her eyes. "Then get out. You can go to the party by yourself."

Serena took a deep breath, then hardened. "Fine. Goodbye."

And she was gone, the elevator doors closing and Blair's anger worsening.

She yanked her charm bracelet off, her S charm's link breaking.

She stomped upstairs and threw her charm bracelet at the wall, the S charm breaking off. After that she was left to scream in her pillow.

God, she hated Serena can der Woodsen. She wasn't sure why, but she sure as hell did.

--

It was nearly three in the morning when her phone started ringing. She groaned as she awoke and saw Chuck's name flashing across the screen.

"What, Bass?" She yelled into the phone. She wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone.

"Blair, you need to get down to New York Presbyterian." He was calm, his voice unwavering but entirely serious.

"What's going on?" Her heart was pounding.

"I…I can't explain right now. Just get here."

The line went dead.

--

Her hair was a mess and her dress was winkled, but she got there in less than thirty minutes, a personal record for her.

Chuck and Nate were both pacing. Lily looked incredibly pale, her face deformed in horror.

A harsh realization shot through Blair's veins.

She yanked Chuck's shoulder. "Where's Serena?" She demanded, her blood going cold and her face flushing.

"She…."

"_What_?" She was genuinely terrified now, begging for information on her other best friend. This was only bad news. There was no good to come of it.

Chuck gulped and released the information. "She was attacked after she left the party."

Blair froze. Started to back away. "No. You're lying."

He just stared. "I'm not lying."

"You're lying!" She accused again, still backing away. She crashed into a doctor who dropped his clipboard.

"Miss?" The doctor called worriedly. "Are you okay?"

Blair dusted off her dress and rose. "I'm fine."

Her eyes were burning, but she wasn't crying. She cursed herself. She was emotionless.

A doctor approached Lily cautiously, a solemn look on his face.

Blair knew she was gone.

She screamed.

--

"Blair, Blair!" Chuck was calling to her. She clamped her mouth shut.

"I'm sorry." She said quietly. "I-I need to get out of here."

She turned and ran, her heels slamming on the floor as she flew through the hospital doors and into the unusually cold night.

Nobody followed her.

--

It was explained to her what truly happened over the next few days.

Her throat had been sliced.

It had been completely random and if it weren't Serena, it would have been someone else.

But that wasn't the worst of it.

"They think someone was trying to rape her." Chuck explained, his eyes burning a hole in hers. "She tried to defend herself…and that's when it happened."

She couldn't feel worse than she did right now.

It was only inevitable that she thought it was her fault that Serena was dead.

It was completely evident that a part of her died with her.

--

There was a certain stillness in the air as the days passed by.

Blair walked a bit more swiftly in the streets when she was alone, associated less with the usual crowd at school, and avoided her other best friends like the plague.

When she didn't have to go out, she remained locked in her room humming undecipherable tunes.

The charm bracelet still remained on her room floor. It was untouched, the N and C charms still attached.

The S charm was nowhere to be found.

--

Her funeral approached slowly but surely.

Then everything dawned on her. She wouldn't graduate with the senior class, wouldn't go to college, wouldn't get married, and would never be able to have a family of her own.

Dan Humphrey stood next to her, his head up and his eyes staring into space.

He looked at her once. She gave him a curt nod.

They were on some level of understanding. They both loved Serena, and always would.

Neither of them knew the depths of their love for Serena. And neither of them would ever know.

--

She hadn't really thought about the seriousness of the situation until she was standing in front of Serena's coffin.

She finally heard her laugh, saw her smile, her wispy blond locks. She remembered her compassion, her kindness. She saw her best friend. She saw her completely dead, no longer breathing, lifeless, cold, best friend.

She couldn't take it anymore. The only thing she could do was what she did best during this time.

In that moment, she slipped out of heels, and as everyone watched, she ran through the grass and out of the crowd, trying to find a place that she would be sane again.

She knew she would never find that place.

--

**Author's Note:** I know, there's not a lot of Blair/Chuck in this part, but the second part has a hell of a lot of it.

This is a twoshot, for anyone who wants to know. This part is called **I Lost You**, so it's only fitting that the second part be called **You Found Me**.

Reviews, please! They brighten up my crappy days. Thanks so much, Cass


	2. You Found Me

**How to Save a Life**

**Part 2 – You Found Me**

**--**

**Summary: **The past will forever stay in the past. But the first thing that needs to be done is letting go of it.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gossip or this amazing couple.

**Dedicated to: **My fellow bitches at the Defectives thread and my amazing reviewers! **Court**, **Mel**, **Cher**, and **suspensegirl**, this one is for you!

--

She ran until grass came to its end and the highway came into view.

By then, she was gasping for air, her eyes watery and bulging. She heaved on the side of the road, emptying her stomach. For once, it wasn't a comfort to her, but some kind of twisted karma.

After that, she just sat and watched the cars pass by. It was a rather empty road, with a car coming every five minutes, but it gave her some sort of sick release.

In her subconscious, she was waiting for a car to skid off the road and crash into a tree. It was wrong, it was hateful, it was cruel, but it would make things better.

Someone would have a worse fate than her.

--

She wanted to scream at herself for not crying. She was sobbing, but no tears fell.

How fucked up was she meant to be? She felt as dead as Serena's lifeless body; she might as well have been buried next to her.

She hated herself. She _killed_ her best friend. There were no other words for it.

If she had gone with Serena, they would have been fine.

Wouldn't they?

--

He came running, but slowed down once he saw her sitting there. He plopped down next to her and said nothing, just watching her intensely.

She said nothing for a while, her fingers tracing her bare wrist. She hadn't gone a day since seventh grade without that charm bracelet.

Blair Waldorf had truly come undone.

--

"She got a modeling contract." She said softly out of nowhere. "That's why we were arguing. She said she wasn't going to Yale with me."

Chuck didn't say anything. He just furrowed his brows and waited for her to finish her explanation.

"I just…" She looked down. "It's always been Serena and I…There was never one without the other."

He nodded, his jaw tightening. He understood perfectly, but he didn't know how to respond. Serena had been one of his best friends, but Blair and Serena were something entirely different.

"This is the type of story that belongs in an afterschool special." Blair smirks a bit, but takes it away. "It just doesn't seem real. Serena was…just fine a couple of days ago."

He clears his throat and finally speaks. "I don't think it's sunken in yet. I keep on thinking that she's going to walk through the door and complain about Humphrey or something."

Blair shakes her head. "I never got to apologize. I just wish I could have…made things better."

"There's always time to make things right."

"You don't understand." She glanced at him. "If I had gone to the party with her-"

"You can't blame yourself." He cut her off. "If you had been with her, things might have been worse."

"What's worse than Serena cold in the ground?" She demanded bitterly.

He gave her look of such intensity, such passion, such…love. "You being there with her."

She took it in for a second. Then she decided she needed him. He was the only one left.

She attacked his lips, waiting for the feeling to become mutual, waiting for everything to be sane, happy, satisfying.

He pulled away.

--

"This isn't the right time." He said, his eyes full of worry.

Her heart dropped. "Please." She was desperate, hanging on to a thread. She couldn't take it anymore.

"No, Blair." He was trying to be the strong one. "You're hurt, and I understand that-"

"Don't you want me?" Her eyes were like that of a newborn child, looking for comfort, looking for someone.

"It's not that-"

"I _need_ you." She begged. "Please. Just this once."

He hung his head low. "I can't. Not right now."

Her heart broke into a million pieces. There was pain, only pain.

She decided that it was only fair that he felt it too.

So she punched his stomach, his chest, again and again. He didn't grab her hands, didn't defend himself.

She was gasping, screaming for air, trying to find something that would give her some sick, twisted joy.

But she found nothing.

So she collapsed into his arms, shaking and looking to be held. So she did.

It was in his arms that Blair finally cried.

--

Once the darkness had overtaken the city, she trekked back to the cemetery and kneeled in front of her best friend's grave, laying two carnations, her favorite flowers.

_There's always times to make things right._

"I'll miss you, S." She said softly. "But somehow I know you'll be there for me. You always were."

She only heard the chirping of crickets. It seemed like a soothing sound to her, though she didn't know why.

She smiled as she rose, feeling reminiscent of nearly thirteen years of friendship.

"I love you, S." She whispered. "Thanks for everything."

She blew one last kiss, and let herself leave the past behind.

--

A couple of weeks later she would find the S charm under her bed, and knew that a trip to the jeweler's was needed.

"I need to repair a link." She told the man, pointing out the problem.

She walked out, charm bracelet on her wrist, three charms dangling happily with every step she took.

Serena would always be a part of her. She was gone, but in some strange way, she was still here.

--

One month later she would be in her graduation gown, sitting in her room, preparing for the next chapter of her life.

Chuck entered swiftly, also wearing his gown.

He pecked her on the lips. "You ready?"

"Yeah." She smiled. "I'll be down there in a minute."

He nodded and headed downstairs.

She rose from her bed, satisfied with herself. She took one look at her nightstand and examined the pictures.

There was a recent one of her and Chuck in Central Park, smiling at the camera.

To the right there was a picture of six year old Blair and Serena, hugging each other. Serena was missing her two front teeth.

Blair smiled to herself. She would be coming back with Serena's honorary diploma, which was something she still deserved.

After all, with Blair and Serena, one would never go through life without the other.

--

_Where did I go wrong?_

_I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness_

_And I would have stayed up with you all night_

_Had I known how to save a life._

--

**Author's Note:** And this twoshot is completed! Thanks to everyone who pulled me along to the finish line!

I hope everyone got an impression off this story. Blair was actually the life that needed saving in this fic. And, of course, Chuck saved her.

Reviews, please! I will love you forever! Thanks, Cass


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